Hello good morning how do you do?

Before I broke up with A and rearranged my life, God was speaking to me.  Either he was speaking or warning me.  I sometimes need a third ear.

How can Big J talk to you?  Do you hear voices?

No i don't.

Over the course of my relationship with Big J, i know when he speaks to my heart.

There were several things on my mind, several plans i have laid out, several uncertainties i thought I could solve.  You see i think I am pretty smart.  I think if i research on a certain subject, weigh the evidence, listen and analyze the stats, I would come up with a logical answer.

When i was thinking of buying a beach house down in florida, God spoke to my heart and said, Unless the lord builds the house, the laborers build in vain.

Was He telling me about my house?  That i should consult him before i sign any deal with a real estate agent?

I ignored it.  Then several days later, a massive oil spill, the biggest one USA has seen,threates to  damage the beaches of Florida, my future home.  They have no idea how to control the spill  and everyday, millions of gallons of oil are polluting the once pristine waters.  My heart breaks.

I open the bible randomly and the verse that God spoke to me was there again - Unless the Lord builds the house, the laborers build in vain.  Coincidence?  I did not even know where the verse was located in the bible, let alone marked it.  What are the chances i would open the bible and open it at the right page and look at the right verse?

Maybe my subconscious knew the verse and opened it. Okay i give you that small chance.

Then explain why when i went to church a week or so later, the opening verse that the pastor read was the same verse?

Three times.

Unless i was completely stupid, i would not miss this as God's word.

I know he is not talking about houses.

He was talking about my future.

You see i though i could now do it.  I thought that a pattern existed now. I've been to war several times and sort of know how to yield the sword.  How to dodge, use my shield.  I relearned how to rely on my self.  I came here completely having nothing and relying on him to get me through this and he did, but now four years later, i have been accustomed to things.

But the truth is, there's no formula in life.  It's only God.   God who i should be relying on.  My riches, my successes are suppose to be nothing more but a testimony of God's grace.  I wasn't careful.  It became things i relied on.  It is hard to always be like a kid in faith, but i must constantly force myself to stop acting like an adult and think that i could do this on my own.  Because i can't.  I need my Big J. My Big Dad to still tell me what to do. To protect me because i am weak.  To cover me with His wings because I fall so much.

I need You to love me.  I need You like water to a parched soul.  I need to stop this pretending, that I know.

I was too busy thinking about myself that i forgot there was a harvest out there.

I forgot to show my love to Him.  It's easy to let the world revolve around me.

May my life be a lifesong to my one and only Savior.

May my life be a testimony to others. I'm not perfect, but I stand on his grace, which are new every morning.

My sins he washes away and he calls me loved.