What is love

Thank you all readers for encouraging me.  In the bible it says, He will send angels to guide you on your way.  I write this blog not to highlight my highs with Big J solely.  I want to write from the perspective of being in the valley as well... it is painful, it is dark, but i write this knowing that one day, i will write about though i walk through the valley of the shadows of death , i will fear no evil, for thou art with me... he leads me beside still waters, he restores my soul. 

He restores my soul.

I want my life to be a testimony.  I am not a flawless princess up on some isolated castle.  I am out in the battlefield, i know there's a plot against my life.  The enemy hates those who belong to the other kingdom, and he gets to my weak areas.  I suffer, i cry, but in the midst of my bleeding, in my suffering, i know, because i have seen his hand work, that morning will come, that salvation would come, that i will not be defeated.

And i hope this speaks to other Christians who find themself  in the same situation.  Big J is way too important to give up.  Yes it is easier to just go with the flow, and not care about doing the right thing, about being pure, and all that "christian crap".  His love is the only answer.

And so with this, i go on and tell you a continuation of my lifestory.

I have been seeing another person regularly for some time now.  Yes he is there physically.  Yes we talk for the most part.  There's a connection. But what of it?

I have come to realize that we humans suffer to go from one relationship to another to find love and acceptance and those tom hanks sleepless in seattle moments.  Love is when spring comes, when flowers bloom, when the old man sings in his tenor voice while you guys walk in the streets of spain. 

But what if love is a conspiracy of the heavens?

What if love is not as fickle as a flower that only blooms in springtime, but an old oak tree that survives winter, and survives all four seasons?

I seek hollywood love.  And i could only give so much or receive so much until the movie credits roll.

Big J, that's the go to with regards to love.

And i could not receive or give love until i learn from him, be trained under him and follow him.

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