Season Ender

*
Hospital Scene:

I had the opportunity to talk to this old woman who was diagnosed with cancer three years ago. Her cancer has now spread to her brain, spine , lungs and liver. She was dying before my very eyes. I bumped into her husband and he told me that in four months, it would be their 4oth anniversary. They had spent this year going to a cruise, alaska, vegas and florida. And now, she is here in the place where she was born, to die.

I looked into , not looked at, but looked into the old man's eyes. There was so much sadness, love and happiness and loneliness, so much irony in his tired old eyes. How many times did he open those eyes to see his beloved hurt and slowly succumb to death? Did he feel like his heart was ripping? Did it feel like the walls were closing in on him? Could he still breathe in and out? How could i stand there and not be affected?

I'm sorry for your pain? I'm sorry to meet you under these circumstances? Good morning? How do i greet this patient? How do i tell this old woman that i am one of the last few people she is going to meet on planet earth. What is so good about this morning? Do i stand there and be stoic and just get on and gather the information needed, use my stethoscope, be impersonal, methodical, and unaffected. Death is everywhere anyways. But i have decided long ago i was going to be affected. I was going to at least feel their pain.

So i went in, held her hand , looked at her eyes and introduced myself. i'm sorry. How are you holding up? Stupid question. But everything i would say will always feel wrong.

I was honored to stand there, and for a couple of minutes, witness the strength love produced in that old woman's life. i felt her peace. I felt his pain.

**

Pwede namang lois and clark, smallville, house, doogie houser, gilmore girls, ally mcbeal, oki doki doc, abangan ang susunod na kabanata. Sa lahat ng mga series sa tv na pwedeng gayahin, bakit grey's anatomy pa?

So as the series unravels this winter...

So i came to know the existence of allison. Hence, i felt a million and one things all at the same time, migraine to be included and symptoms of heart attack and stroke among other things. I look at her picture and what do you know, she was the exact opposite of me. Tall, blonde and curly hair. Sakit sa ulo. Oh to clarify, they are not married.

Bang my head on the wall for wrong choices.

While photocopying something at the library, I decided to go downstairs to read. Well who to bump into but allison. We don't know each other personally, but i guess we both heard of each other's existence. In my defense, in my defense, I was stupid and did not know any better and was an innocent victim of mcdreamy's indecisiveness. Argh, the mcdreamy confusion.

Why do i feel like i did something wrong? But it felt like it, so i decided to go somewhere else, and there i saw my friend, Erwin. Told Erwin who i saw, and he decided to go look. I follow Erwin , i don't know why, but a couple of meters ahead of us, we did not only see allison, we saw allison and mcdreamy together buying coffee. Together.

And i thought i was pretty okay. I thought wrong. Clearly this felt like falling without a parachute. I may have been imagining things but for a split second, i saw mcdreamy look my way and before anything, I just turned around and walked away. I can't deal with this. Please, all i want is my amygdala removed so i would forget.

Heart pounding, i take a deep breath. Is this coffee overdose or am i really affected?

i went and hid some place to take a breather and after a couple of minutes decided i was a big strong person who did nothing wrong, if anything, mcdreamy should melt. Not me.


I decided to go up the library but to do that, i would have to go through this area where i could be seen by mcdreamy and allison. From afar, mcdreamy's back was turned against me. Clear field i thought. But before i could go up, i saw this old couple who frequent the hospital and who i developed friendship with, so i went by and greeted them merry christmas. Grandpa, because he wasn't wearing any hearing aids, shouted, MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU TOO! And i guess everyone within twenty mile radius heard his greeting. Bless his soul. And as i turn , i locked stare with allison, she was staring at me, and for reasons unclear, i found myself staring back.

*
Life in the hospital. Drama in the US. Emotions multiplied. No regrets, i keep telling myself that. It's just a matter of time before i believe.