I got a page that there's a volleyball game near my apartment. I am here sitting. Despite protests from new found friends who claim I have been studying too much. Am I? Actually I just attempt to study. Eating cheetos too much is my only crime. And also drinking starbucks doubleshot espresso. Don't mistake me for being a snob. There are just times that I want to be alone. For myself, for my sanity, I need to sit down and gather my thoughts. And type it I guess. Today is one of those days. I won't gush as to how blessed I am. I am blessed. I won't even entertain complaints. But there are times when I wake up in the middle of the night because of bad dreams. Bad dreams that something happened to the people I left back home. I try not to think about it, but how would you explain a dream that had me stranded in a raft and floating away while my little sister waves goodbye? Or me waking up because I thought I heard my little sister say please buy me coke?
I try to shrug it off because I really can't do anything. It's not even winter and i think i need light therapy or melatonin. My new found friends are great. Always ready to be there. Kind of like my friends back home. But not quite like my friends back home. Not quite and I don't know if i have the energy to dig deeper. YOu see, i think I already met the people I love, will love and I don't even know if my heart can stand to enlarge. Like what I told one of my best friend back home - I don't have the energy to go through all that.
But then Big J, Big J would be insisting otherwise. Like reaching out. Like expanding my heart. Like loving people different from me. Like dying everyday. I'm a work in progress. Please bear with me, myself and I.
It's crazy to live in a clean house without kris messing it up. I should get a dog.
I should have my dog here. Argh.
Anyways. Those are my thoughts.
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