Unedited

It's been a long journey. I've talked about giving up my dreams and my heart to big J. I mostly talked about my dream and always quite hesitant to talk about the latter. What was your dream? Right question. And I'd talk. What was your heart? Wrong question. Try who was in it. And maybe this time, I'd talk a little.

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I guess there are times when even my inquiring mind couldn't really get an answer. I'd love to get an answer to this, believe me. When I got the news that I finally matched, everyone who knew about it congratulated me. All smiles. The shoulder I used to lean on would have been proud and happy. Would have been. What I would give to hand out a cup of green tea. I pictured this years ago but somehow it was not the same.

That's why they have songs for this.

In retrospect, it was the right decision and the shoulder and Big J were right. I had to tough it out and stay away from .. everything. What am I rambling about? As much as I want to clear the tables, there would be this one spot that has "reserved" written all over it.

Conversations. Hesitations. This would make for a great movie, should I decide to sit down with myself and write it all down. I'm not making any sense, but to some I do, and that is all that matters. Feels a lot like meteor garden part two. And that stupid song by lara fabian. Ang buhay, parang sine.
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Let's talk of cabbages, of kings and walruses.

I will get by. It's just one of those moments. Big J, i really don't understand, i really don't comprehend this. And yes, I do question it sometimes, but BIg J, I trust you. I'm just saying, it is not a walk in the park and if it were up to me, I won't go this way. BUt hey, I told you I'd follow you, and you told me you know best. So i'll walk anyways, knowing your plans and your thoughts are bigger than mine. Your will right? Not mine. I'm just saying...