I first started blogging several years back as a way of releasing stress during med school. I don’t know how to write (I’m better at the arts stuff but oil painting to release stress is a costly hobby), but somehow I was influenced/challenged by someone to write about stuff. Though I could never be good at this thing, he told me that his dream was that someday he could write some thing that would at least influence one person… When he told me that, I just smiled and told him I wanted to be the first person to have an autographed copy of his book. I supported that dream, he was a big influence, but I never knew that I would get to live his dream.
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I didn’t even know I had a regular blog reader. For me, I just wanted to chronicle my life… well when I gave it up to Big J, then it became a chronicle of His life moving into mine. Big J once wrote through one of his posse that those who really believe in him, should shine like stars. Glitter-y. I’m a big fan of L’Oreal’s bling bling eye shadow and I told Big J that I liked the idea, but if I were to shine, may His light so shine that I would reflect His power. Not mine. I have dull dry skin, which given the right amount of oil and pimples, may shine occasionally… but I’m thinking, Big J wasn’t talking about the oily skin. So anyways, one reader told me (don’t worry your identity is safe with me) how my blog helped her.
No, I don’t claim to be the one who helped her.
Read on.
She told me that she had been dealing with a lot of failures in the past and that reading my adventures with Big J challenged her. She was a “Christian” but somewhere along the way, she also made Big J a lucky charm. He was her Savior, but not her Lord. I smiled. I knew exactly what she meant. It was like talking to me two years ago. And she questioned him about these failures. Aren’t you suppose to help me? Why all these failures? Why all these disappointments? I worked hard, prayed and prayed and yet I still fail. I don’t do bad things. I’m a good person…Why aren’t you answering my prayers?
Then God asked her, if you don’t get what you want, will you still be my child? Will you still love and trust me?
It was a battle I guess. How many times have we heard people renounce their faith just because they did not get what they want? I’ve done that a lot of times. There was a time I got angry and cursed Big J, another time I made myself believe He didn’t care, He just wanted to torture me and everyone else…once I even renounced His existence… all because I didn’t get answers. All because I rubbed the lamp and the genie wasn’t granting my every wish.
So the reader told me that she remembered my story. How I came to the point that I decided to surrender my will to Big J. Reader then told Big J, that’s Cheen’s story. I want our story big J, and even if I don’t get what I am praying for, the only thing I want is you. Be my Lord. I love you more than the title I’ve been praying for. Just have your way, I will still love you no matter what.
Then just like those stories that I’ve read about, like those great stories we thought existed only in the minds of people, everything fell to the proper place. Big J was testing her loyalty, testing her heart. He’s not looking for people who will make Him a lucky charm, because HE is not that. He’s a friend. He’s the best friend anybody could have. He’s the Savior. He is everything. But more than anything, He is the King. When she told me about how her new adventure with Big J, I was happy. She thanked me. I told her, I am just telling my story. Big J is responsible for everything. Not me. I’m just a witness.
How would you feel if the people you died for only came to you whenever they have a problem and then get angry at you when you don’t solve it right away? We give him our “prayer time”, we give him our sacrifices of praying a nine day long prayer, we sacrifice missing our fave tv show just to attend an hour long service on Sunday, we give him flowers, we light up candles, we walk the whole altar with our knees, we even slap ourselves to death thinking that he would hear us, but we never ever give him our whole heart, and that is all He wants.
He gave everything and we just want to make him our own personal genie.
What’s going to be your story? Will it be an adventure or will it be about you rubbing a lamp and getting mad at the genie? There’s so much adventure, there’s so much Big J has in store for you, more than just three wishes.
So to another reader, know this – between who you are right now and who you will be, it’s up to you. It still is your decision. Though Big J is the King, He is not a tyrant.
It’s more than a label you put down on your resume.
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Congratulations attorney. The bleachers are full of people crying for you. Go chase after your destiny. This is just the tip of the iceberg.
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And to C, I dare you to move.
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