even though

the things i hate and the things i miss


I'm a very laid back person, not prone to getting angry, tries to understand and rationalize things and on many occassions, even forgiving to a fault.

A random person said she would like to be friends with me and two other co residents because "mas mabuting kaibigan ang mga professional". Wow offensive in so many levels. Let the dissection begin. First off, i will not be somebody's friend because of who i am in life, or because of a certain position i hold or because i make this amount of money. I hate it, hate it when people introduce me as "the doctor from the US". My name is cheen. Period. No stethoscopes, no white coats, no dollar signs. And what if i were not a doctor, would she consider me to be in her "friends list?" And what of all the great people i know who aren't doctors? Are they not worthy of her friendship? Heck no. I won't be your friend.

I miss eating barbeques by the pier. I remember lying down at the pier after buying a dollar meal at some hotdog stand. I remember how my little sister kept the wrapper of the hotdog she ate because she wanted to savor that moment. I dread coming back home and seeing her taller than me, knowing that for the three inches she grew taller, i wasn't there.

I want to ride the bus and not worry about driving.

I miss eating home cooked meals.

I miss ironed clothes.

I want to eat jollibee. I want peach mango pie. I want to smell smog again. I need to see recto again and grab greenwich pizza after a long walk. I want to treat people who are really sick. I miss thin people. Even tuberculosis i miss.

I hate people who complain about their disabilities and feel that the government owes them everything. I hate how they whine, i hate how selfish they are, how ignorant they are of what real poverty means, what hunger means, what hard labor means. I hate how they ship old people to nursing homes, i hate how the young ones turn their back on the people who raise them, leaving them to shop on wheelchairs and fend for themselves, the very people who changed their diapers and made sure they had a roof over their heads and food for the stomach. I hate how they glorify the superficial and worship the stupid antics of a few outwardly polished people and call it "expressing yourself".

I miss fishballs.

Kenny Rogers.

Lemon Cupcakes.

We do the things we do, we find ourselves in positions we never dreamt of, we run, we forget what is behind, we are transformed, we learn to go on despite our own hesitations, we not only learn to face fear but learn to thrive on it, and God willing, make it our teacher.

I am tired, I want to wake up to tropical weather, open a screen door, call my dogs and give each of them a good bath.

I want to have a reason to open the electric fan again.

Off my soap box.