A wink and a smile

I'm from a sturdy family.

I'm from a crazy family.

Hence, the product.

Let me tell you how i was brought up and what drumbeats i hear.

My parents taught me, my dad especially, to never take myself seriously. There's always something to laugh about in ANY situation, even in a funeral. Daddy likes to make people laugh and you'll often find him cracking jokes about himself or other people even during times like uhmmm ten minutes after the death of a loved one. . It's a gift they have passed on to me.

My mom, on the other hand, taught me that when life gives you lemmons, make lemonades. She taught me never to indulge in self pity, to always find room for improvement, to always be thankful for what you have and never compare yourself to others but always strive to be the best version of yourself.

From my tatay, my grandfather, he taught me to brave the storm. To keep a stiff upper lip, don't cry. He was an underground soldier who fought the japanese, came from a very rich family who lost their riches eventually had to live a very poor life but managed to raise seven kids single handedly. I'm always impressed by his life story.

And from my uncles and aunts, they influenced my faith. My cousins taught me to dance to another drumbeat. To go against the flow, question the prevailing wisdom, to serve something greater than yourself.

The same blood that runs in their veins, run in mine. And to their dreams and calling in life, i am invariably intertwined. So when i came across an unfortunate thing, such as waking up with half my face paralyzed, i was faced with a weird situation - of being an insider in the disease business and getting the disease itself, of being somebody else's daughter with no parent around to say that it's going to be alright and chicken soup and sleep would take care of it, and that of being the child of the living God, who is known around as the great physician.

I woke up one day to a nightmare.

My biggest nightmare was that i could have suffered a stroke. Fortunately that wasn't the case. I examined myself and looks like that was not the case. I just couldn't move half my face. I had Bell's palsy then. Some people recover, some don't. My face was deformed. It was in a snarl mode and i felt like quasimodo sans the hunchback. I never knew how vain i was, how much priority i placed on my face , how much confidence i put on my appearance before this incident. It was a learning experience.

How many of us would rather carry a disease inside us, secretly waste away than let the whole world know that we are sick? That we are in need of something? That we are crying for help? We always put our best face forward and pretend that everything is okay when in reality, it is not.

So i went to the gym and thought, i can't do anything about this.

Two days later i went and saw a doctor, who gave me some steroids for ten days. I was spoiled actually, i had four doctors on my case and one dentist. They were my attending physicians. What did i learn with me being on the flip side of the coin? That the best doctor a person could ever have is someone who goes beyond prescribing the drug but goes on and discuss the disease with you and allays your anxiety. I think i should work more on these skills of mine as really, for me, it is the best drug. So i'm incorporating that into my practice now, i'm still trying to perfect the art of allaying patients fear and anxiety, i hope i'll get better in time.

I presented my case during report and gave them a hands on demo on me, the patient. I was laughing, well half my face was laughing, half was emotionless at how funny and not funny the situation was. I was rotating at neurology and i had a neurologic problem? Jeez. I'm never going to rotate in oncology.

So where am i right now? I'm recovering right now, but i think the incident taught me to be a better doctor as i now know how hard it is to sit on the other side of the table.

P.S. Did i ever doubt that i would get healed? Nah. Big J is my guy. I know Him and He promised healing, when i got this, i just knew that there's a lesson here somewhere that Big J wanted me to learn.