it's a personality flaw or strength. Either way you look at it.
And i would have stayed up all night had i known how to save a life...
if i knew how, i would. And it kills me to know that i guess i could never really help. A part of me just wants to throw in the towel and give up on trying. Hey it is not my problem, why should i even risk putting all my emotions, all my strength on the table and just get frustrated over and over and over again?
She calls and tells me about it. She tells me she doesn't want to burden me, and by just crying and telling me she doesn't want to burden me is big irony. Why cry? Why call? And it was about someone i have tried to help for most of my life. I wanted to say, shut up, i don't care. Shut up i don't need to hear this right now. But when will i have time to hear it? I would be a hypocrite if i told you that just because I am a follower of Jesus, I don't feel these things. It's such a struggle to do the right thing when doing the right thing just leaves you tired, raw and vulnerable. A part of me would be so glad to not care, but a bigger part of me will never feel right if i didn't at least try one more time, get wounded another time and just give it one more shot. Because that is what Big J would do. Because that is what He did. what He does. What He will do. And I have promised to follow him. So yeah, it's hard, but it's the right thing. Big J did not promise a life without storm. He promised a life of peace amidst turbulence. i'm being cryptic but i don't think going into details would change what I'm driving at - Even young men/women grow tired and weary, but those that put their trust in Him, will renew their strength, will not stumble... will soar on wings like eagle.
lately i've been winning battles left and right
but even winners can get wounded in the fight
people say that i'm amazing
i'm strong beyond my years
but they don't see inside of me
i'm hiding all the tears
they don't know that i come running home when i fall down
they don't know who picks me up when no one is around
i drop my sword and cry for just a while
cause deep inside this armor
the warrior is a child.
It's not about pretending to be strong. It's never about that. I guess it's about picking up the sword, fighting the fights you were meant to fight, knowing you can't handle them but knowing that all that Big j requires of you is to pick up the sword and the rest, He'll guide you on how to swing that sword.
1 comment:
"Not by might, nor by power, but My Spirit, said the Lord'(Zech 4:6)
"Throughout the history of God's people,great mountains of difficulty, apparently insurmountable,have loomed before those who were trying to carry out the purposes of Heaven. Such obstacles are permitted by the Lord as a test of faith. When we are hedged about on every side, this is the time above all others to trust in God and in the power of His Spirit."
"Sometimes He trains His workers by bringing to them disappointment and failure. It is His purpose that they shall learn to master difficulties"
"Often men are tempted to falter before the perplexities and obstacles that confront them.But if they will hold the beginning of their confidence steadfast unto the end, God will make the way clear.Success will come to them as they struggle against difficulties."
"In quietness and confidence shall be your strength"(Isaiah 30:15).God's glorious work founded on the eternal principles of right, will never come to naught. It will go on from strength to strength,"not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit, said the Lord of hosts"
God bless you, your training and your ministry!
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