At the thought of being alive..

I was walking downtown with cosmo doc and never ending question doc last thursday night to attend to this blues music festival at the park. As cosmo doc tried to find someone to get his money changed for quarters (parking meters), I looked around the place i will be staying for three years or five or six. I'm not sure.

It's no new york city.

It's no manila.

But i have resolved it in my heart not to compare. I am determined to love this place. Could i jet ski in new york after work? No siree.

Could i drive a fast car in nyc or manila? No.

And thoughts of empire state building, of people, of times square, of recto, of quiapo, of alabang, of SM, of H & M, of mango, of subways, of pollution seem to engulf me as i listen to some apparently famous blues singer in denim jeans. You see the problem is i'm not a blues singer. I'm U2. I'm matchbox...

some sort of window to your right... between the lines of fear and blame

you begin to wonder why you came.

But i'm very much content with this training program. I just miss city life. How un-city is this? This - I haven't worn my high heels. But i am here to wear a stethoscope not pumps.
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I was about to go to this baseball game tonight but i've had quite a long day at the clinic and i just wanted to go home and rest. I stayed late because i waited with a patient. I admitted her to the hospital because of heart failure, and her son couldn't pick her up because he was busy at work, so we had to call a cab and i just had to make sure she gets into that cab and make it to the hospital.

... where did i go wrong? I lost a friend. Somewhere along in the bitterness...And i would have stayed up with you all night if i'd known how to save a life.

She blew me a kiss and thanked her, so the wait was worth it.

Now you listent Dr. Gutierrez, she says. I may be in need of a primary physician, and i just might take you to be mine.

Let him know that you know best, because after all you do know best.

I bade her goodbye, and i promised to see her when she gets discharged.

How to save a life...

Which made me think. As i turned my back on the cab, afternoon sun blinding my eyes, I don't want that to happen to me. I wanted at least to know that when i get sick, that when i need to go to a hospital,someone would drop everything and take care of me. This is exactly what my best friend from med school jill felt when we were taking care of a comatose patient who was so gently and lovingly taken cared of by her husband.

...