Ode to Coastal Road

Music on.

I haven't taken cared of this blog for a long time. Since rememory was relegated to a weird location somewhere in cyberspace, the writing also dwindled... I look up the rearview mirror and check my white framed aviator glasses. I crank up the speaker volume. U2 is singing with Mary J. Blige. The collar of my silver jacket is up. My arm is resting on the window of my faithful pontiac.

I look out of the window for signs of life. Shoot. I must get out of Kalamazoo. There was this book about some girl who was from a colored world but started turning gray when she was transported in a world of black and whites. I may be turning gray. I check my lips. They are still red. But that could be the lipstick. I remove my shades and look at my eyes. Those were very blue eyeshadows. Too bright for this town. These eyes have seen a lot. I've seen how families could be torn apart by jealousy. I've seen how strangers could find courage to help family in need. These eyes of mine had known pain and love. They have closed a lot of times as well, from reality, from pipe dreams, from tenderness, from visions of home.

I have decided to look forward. To stop looking at the past and to make decisions that would not only look at the present and would not only be based on my feelings but also be based on the betterment of others. I know that i have made right decisions, mostly because of Big J guiding me, but I can't help on days like these to wonder.

I leaf through Pablo Neruda's poems after gulping down two shots of espresso at Starbucks. Who writes such tender words? More importantly, who inspires such words?

Do we laud the painter or Mona Lisa who inspired the painter?

Could i inspire anybody?

I'm feeling a little bit down for reasons I think are silly. I just feel like this sometimes. When the sun is not shining. When I see a beatles mug that i could buy and i couldn't give it immediately to my little sister. When I feel this alone, so far away from southmall, from alabang, from black hair brown people who call me Cheen. From pan de sal, from ligo sardines,from coastal road. Oh how i love coastal road. Casimiro, RFC, Zapote, Coastal Road, Baclaran, Fly over, Buendia, Taft, UP MAnila and then Espana. To the sound of Yes FM.

Help me figure out why it's such a riddle.

To do the right thing, to live a pure life. This is hard. I have everything, and i would be selfish to not continue on this path when taking this path would help a lot of people in the long run. Stiff upper lip cheen. You can do this.

Kailangan mo, charm ni john lloyd, coolness ni Gary V, writing prowess ni Jonni and porma ni Cito. The best advice I got from my friend.

Hay. The games we play. Thank God for Mama Sita's instant flavorings. My adobo is now ready. Kain na.