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I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.

Write, for instance: "The night is full of stars,
and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance."

The night wind whirls in the sky and sings.

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

On nights like this, I held her in my arms.
I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her.
How could I not have loved her large, still eyes?

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
To think I don't have her. To feel that I've lost her.

To hear the immense night, more immense without her.
And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass.

What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her.
The night is full of stars and she is not with me.

That's all. Far away, someone sings. Far away.
My soul is lost without her.

As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her.
My heart searches for her and she is not with me.

The same night that whitens the same trees.
We, we who were, we are the same no longer.

I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her.
My voice searched the wind to touch her ear.

Someone else's. She will be someone else's. As she once
belonged to my kisses.
Her voice, her light body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her.
Love is so short and oblivion so long.

Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,
my soul is lost without her.

Although this may be the last pain she causes me,
and this may be the last poem I write for her.

*
These were the words of Pablo Neruda that after several years I read.

They were written to me by a friend of long ago, but only the first three lines. I never thought much about those three lines but one morning i stumbled upon the whole poem and it dawned on me. What that person meant. And everything fell to it's proper place. The puzzle formed and i saw the picture.

Words not said are more powerful sometimes than words spoken. How would i have reacted if the whole poem was laid flat in front of me? Would i have broken my resolve?

And now fast forward to several years later, where heartbeats and old letters became mere memories. I find myself wanting to be the author of that poem, from a woman's perspective of course.

Love is so short. Forgetting is so long.

Not for me. Both hits me way longer than what is healthy. To some, it only takes ten days to forget love. So I sit here and tell Big J I am dehydrated. But before I went to bed, I told my Savior I still trusted him and loved him, despite of and inspite of because He is God and worthy of all my praise.

Tin told me to start a movement.

Ouch that hurts. A little lie would help.

Say anything.

But the words i didn't want to hear were spoken . Honest blunt words. Let's turn on the blender and put Cheen's heart there.

I don't know.

Either you know or you don't. There's no gray area.

Ouch.

I'm running but i will not pin my hopes on a prize that doesn't want to be won.

This is the last time I will write about this.

Welcome to season 5 of grey's anatomy.