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I need love... give me love, love is what i need to help me know my name.

And so the song says.

I started writing a couple of years ago even though i suck at it. I don't know how to express myself, but i was inspired by a friend who knew exactly how to do that. The muse. Everybody has one. I have one. I had one.

And what to say except maybe ...

Maybe i could have been a little bit crazier and maybe it would be not like this. Would i like it differently? I have accepted it but here am i musing over little details, giving meaning to every punctuation, every period, every comma. Were those true or not? It feels true, it had to be true. I can't bring myself to crumple the papers. Maybe it is easier for some, but not for me.

This dream of yours, I can't stand on it s way. I will likely stand on its way.

Conversations hesitations spinning through my head.

Well fast forward to a few years later, i stand in the middle of my dreams. My dreams. me, myself and me. I cannot ascribe to fate what choices I made, what priorities I shuffled. And who am i to even utter the words and try to rewrite rememories? To remember differently? To erase. To edit. Everything has been edited. Words deleted. Songs suppressed. Some dreams killed.

To a time when it was true. I am not making sense. I've had too much coffee.


I was running along the streets of michigan on the last day of summer. It was nearing dusk and the birds above me decided to fly off somewhere. I have progressed in my running as i could now run several kilometers without thinking i would die. I came to a stone wall overlooking this vast beautiful lawn that was capturing the beauty of the setting sun. I paused and climbed up the wall and decided to sit above it. I must have looked pensive. But a handicapped man came up to me and asked me if i was alright. I looked at him and smiled. What an unselfish man. He was in wheelchair and he stopped to ask whether, me, person on two legs, was alright. Who is handicapped? I felt ashamed to be mulling over the things i did not have. in that moment, i felt like God's angel just shook me to reality. Have you forgotten whose trip you are on? Run. Move. Get up.

It's so easy to be caught in the what if's. Fueled by ipod music and a good sunset, i would have all the reason in the world to do an oscar award winning dramatic monologue. But i tie my shoes, i strengthen my legs and start warming them up. It's a long path. I need to do this. I need to run this race that was set before me.

And so there may be more to this story than rememories. Maybe there will be a next chapter. And maybe, and maybe i still have yet to write more.