i don't wanna be anyone but me

it's not that you planned for this. But it's there, on your hands, the baton. Nobody could carry it but you and you have to run and run and forget that you once lived a baton free life.

Talk about the weight of the world on your shoulders. At least to be specific, some weight on my shoulders, but to be dramatic, i'd have to use the first description. I heard some disconcerting news from lupang hinirang and because i am who i am, i could not help but worry and try to do my share of being the shoulder. I swore in the past i won't become entangled again, but back to square one. I couldn't help being who i am. I feel like it's my duty to help, to offer my shoulder in any way i can. I would feel bad if i didn't, or worse, i may wake up one day and not recognize the eyes staring back at me on my bathroom mirror.

And so i let go of some, and i held onto some. Really what keeps me going is the thought that number one, i would be able to help my parents and my sisters/brother and next would be the fact that i may privileged enough to someday work in Big J's field. I guess as someone who is a quarter century old i could spawn out pretty good nuggets -

That there really is gold at the end of the rainbow, but you can't bring it all home. Choose your treasures wisely.

You don't need to have 500 friends in friendster, all you need are those few people who would remind you of the forgotten song in your heart.

That this is the way it should be - as kids your parents take care of you, and as soon as you can, take care of your parents , as they have bottled their dreams so that you can fulfill yours.

Don't take life or yourself too seriously. Everything is ridiculously funny, all you need is a good punchline.

Jog.

The perfect comeback when people tell you you're getting fat is to tell them "yeah getting fat is bad on the knees, but tell me, how does it feel to get ugly?"

*

So my married friends here thinks i'm nuts because i am single. Like it's a disease or something. It's not SARS or ebola.

They think i'm wasting my time?

That i'm missing out on something.

It's not that i am opposed to it, but puhlease give me a break man. I'm this close to snapping and telling them, well reason number five hundred sixty two as to why i'm not married is that i would like to dine in a fine italian restaurant at 12 midnight in chicago as opposed to changing diapers in some urine infested apartment. I'm being rude. But i just wish that sometimes they would just shut their mouth and keep unsolicited advice to themselves and not announce it at parties. Leper on our midst, they might as well say. Ah this is such a bridget jones moment without hugh grant or colin firth to amuse me.

I have lots of respect for married people, i think it's cool they found someone and want to populate the earth with random assortment of their genes, and maybe i might want to get into it someday, but please don't try to get smug on my expense. so yeah, curious people, frustrated cupids, sleep deprived wives, please lay off my case.

for now, i like these things: wake up late, not worry about laundry, get up, shower, jog, swim and then drive to a coffee place to get a cup of joe and bagel, listen to my favorite tunes, maybe drive off to some place where lifehouse is playing, and if i'm lucky go wakeboard, or boating by the lake, and since i don't have anything to do, maybe shop for some new clothes, buy my parents stuff, and my siblings good stuff, and heck when i come home, watch my favorite soap opera. As opposed to waking up early, making breakfast for me and kids, taking the trash out and sending them off, changing diapers, listening to cries, talking to the neighbors and making lemonade... reading about the lake, growing gray hair... waiting for husband to come home so he could give me his dirty shirt so i could laundry again.

Yes, i'm being testy but i've been pushed to do so. These are just thoughts that run in my mind, i don't voice them as i am polite. Maybe i'll refer them to this page someday.

i'm pretty sure there's lots of merits in marriage. But you will not see me telling married people to get a divorce and live the single life, so why should these married people be telling me stuff?