Say goodnight not goodbye

I'm three sundays away from leaving and I still haven't packed yet.

This is it. A new chapter in my so called life. A new whatever. All i know is that i have this army of butterflies inside my stomach. I don't like butterflies by the way. Worms with wings.

People ask me whether going to uncle sam's place is a long time dream of mine. All i know is that i want to be a great doctor and if that means going ten thousand miles to be trained, so be it. Do i want to have a change in environment? Would it make me smile more? I've placed a lot of thought on that... No, you could put me anywhere in the philippines and I would be content. I could be up the mountains hiking or by the ocean drowning or in the middle of recto watching a guy chase after another guy with a bolo and I would still be psyched about it. I'm a glass-is-half- full kind of person. If i could change something though, I would have applied in new york city, just because i feel like i belong there. I can't place my finger on it, but five minutes before I landed on JFK airport, i knew that I belonged there.

The place I'm going to would be in michigan, about a two hour train ride away from chicago. The thing I love about this place (as this one would have to be my third fave place in the US, right next after NYC and LA) is that it has a lot of lakes, ergo, a lot of opportunity for me to get into wakeboarding. It is also has a lot of skiing places and ice skating parks. So hopefully after I graduate internal medicine, I'd be good at watersports, swimming and martial arts.

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Aren't you the least bit sad that you are going?

If i allow myself to think about that, I would only torture myself. I am going and that is final. No use activating my lacrimal glands for something I cannot control. That is why i am having such a hard time with this going away party. I'm a sentimental schmuck who hates showing my sentimental side. I'm cool. If I cry, should i decide to, I'll do it in private.

The going away party is actually for a close set of friends, med, college and high school. I am not that comfortable with big parties. In any case, the people i invited are really important to me, in a sense that they had a great impact on my life, without which i couldn't really say I'm blessed. The only bad thing is that most of my medical friends couldn't make it because they have a hospital duty at that day. I can't reschedule because that is the only day that would somewhat work. I'm a bit sad though that one of the people I want to go couldn't make it. I was trying to have my party on the day she would be available but that didn't work out. I'll make sure to visit her before I leave.

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Argh. On another note, I need to move into a new apartment by june 10. Good luck on that.

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The thought of living all by myself in a new apartment in a new country, working in a new hospital, in a new environment, meeting new people, making new friends, makes me excited and nauseous all at the same time.