So many times we walk in the same direction, so that we could never stray.
As I walked through the familiar hallways of UST hospital to go see my friend who was being admitted for "possible brain aneurysm", I could not help but feel ecstatic. Most don't like hanging around sick people, smelling chlorine and blood, wearing white sticky clothes in mercurial temperature but i felt like a fish thrown back to the sea.
I hugged and kissed old friends who were now second year residents in their respective fields. Only jilly girl seemed happy. The others - one was sad and desperate, another frustrated, still another had the sparkle from her eyes disappear and one was numb. Most physicians in training, especially in the philippines have to go through a lot of emotional, psychological harassment from their senior doctors. Blame it on tradition, blame it on the silence of the oppressed, blame it on the stars or whatever, but it is a fact that doctors have to go through hell just to get into their specialty of choice.
Give an insecure person knowledge and power, and he will use it to trample on others so he could feel good about himself. Beneath those white coats could be monsters preying on junior doctors. I've heard quite a few stories of doctors versus doctors, doctors plotting for the downfall of a junior doctor, etcetera etcetera. It's enough to fill in a whole season of Grey's Anatomy.
As i talked to them, I was saddened by the fact that in order to get what they want in life, some had to forget how to smile, how to laugh.. they had to forget who they were/are for a job. Which is sad because how could you go on to being the person you were meant to be if you don't even know who you are right now?
Insane work hours won't really kill you (for us doctors its Monday: 6am to 6am Tuesday, then 1 hour break so you don't stink .. tuesday 7 am to maybe 7 pm. Wednesday 7 am to 5 pm then repeat back to 6am to 6am) . Heck, i survived two years of that. I guess it's the people around you that does that. Believe me, there are people out there who would love to have your head for breakfast.
What is the worse part of being killed by these people ? It's not knowing you died already.
I'm having one of those moments where it's 4 am and i am still up reminiscing on things.
I want some lucky me pancit canton...
*
(Chris, i should have taken you up on your offer to go eat charlie chan. Next time, let's go a pasta place... after you study of course..)
2 comments:
I wouldn't say that you won't see this in the U.S., but at least they have some recourse. There are lots of mechanisms to prevent abuse and protect the training environment.
Here we have senior, power-tripping doctors who would never hesitate to bury a fledgling career with a well-placed remark somewhere.
Now you've made me sad, angry, and empty towards the system.
Masaklap. I still believe that a lot of us got into this not for the money, not for the "fame". I know a lot of people who are in this to help. But along the way, some lose sight of what's important and start bullying others into losing sight too, that way they will all have a bunch of miserable doctors and not be reminded that there is happiness in the profession.
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