Of surrendering and trusting.

Sonicflood - I Want To Know You

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When i received another interview call the other day, the program coordinator told me I was all set for interview on Tuesday. First thing that came on my mind, will this interfere with 24's season premiere? I know my priorities. Jack Bauer above all. Just kidding. I decided to stay overnight at the hotel rather than miss out on Jack and uhmm the interview. The drive up to the place was breathtaking. There was an ice storm the night before and that morning, the ice made icicles on everything. Like every tree branch was engulfed in crystals, every blade of grass in crystals. My words can't justify the beauty i saw, you have to be there to appreciate it. Speechless.

Anyways, i think the interview went well and even though it does carry a big university name like my other interview, I knew that i wouldn't rank it number one on my list. On the way home, my phone rang. Some unidentified person was calling. To my surprise it was the voice of an american. Who's calling me? This is XOXO and i'm the PD of XOXO. I'm sorry i wasn't able to meet up with your batch of candidates last week as I was out of town. But when I got back the people there were all excited about this one candidate they interviewed. They told me the candidate was terrific and had a great personality and everybody loved her. I just had to talk to her. You created quite a great impression here.

Wow. If my power of deduction is functioning well, he was talking about me. Why call randomly right? Pink Coat. I tell you.

Seriously, hearing those words were really something.

Rewind to one day before:

Prior to that day, I ate at a chinese restaurant nearby the hotel i was staying. When i opened my fortune cookie, the words "you have a lot to be thankful for" were written on that cookie. I knew i had a lot of things to be thankful for. When i set out to chase my destiny, everything was promised clearly by J, from my usmle scores to plane tickets to provision. Yet he was silent on the hospital I was to end up with. I had a lot of hospitals in my mind but somehow whenever i prayed for it, it wasn't connecting. So i got really impatient. Somehow, with Big J's silence on the matter of choosing hospital, I ended up making a list of the things that would help me choose the program - things like cardiology opportunity, diversity of patient cases, benefits, way of living , location. Then i ranked them and came up with a rank list.

I found a Gideon Bible and began reading. The programs were tallied, but somehow I felt a tug in my heart. I was not approaching it right. I was approaching it logically, but it wasn't sitting well with me. Then Big J's words stood out. I think he said something to the line of "I make decisions based not on my will but according to God's will" on the Bible. So i threw out my tally sheet and told Big J, J you've been silent for an awfully long time on this one, but not my will Lord, let your will be done. And then i dozed off. About 5 am, I woke up and the first thing that came to my mind was "pray". And i was sleepy. Big J, pray for what? Take care of it please. But i did pray in words i couldn't understand because my mind wasn't awake. I think i merely prayed for like ten seconds then dozed off. I'm not a morning person I tell you.
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Later on, i receive that phone call. You must be kidding me. God's will and my will were the same?! So why did i have to throw that tally sheet out? I approached it the wrong way and I guess big J is teaching me something foreign to me - surrendering my will to another.